The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration, but the reality is more complex. For many people, the holidays can also bring feelings of loneliness, stress, and grief. When we’ve lost loved ones, when family dynamics are complicated, or when we simply feel isolated, the holiday season may highlight what is missing rather than what is present.
The Hidden Side of the Holidays: Loneliness and Grief
The “downside of the holidays” emerges for several reasons. Social expectations can create pressure to appear happy and sociable, which can be exhausting, especially for those who are naturally more introverted or struggle with social anxiety. Memories of past holidays, or of loved ones who are no longer with us, often resurface, intensifying feelings of grief and loss. Society and social media frequently portray an idealized version of the holiday experience, which can make us feel inadequate or disconnected if our reality does not match the images we see. Additionally, the shorter days, colder weather, and reduced sunlight can affect mood and energy, sometimes contributing to seasonal depression or low motivation. Recognizing that these feelings are normal is an important first step toward coping with them.
One powerful way to respond to holiday loneliness and grief is to name the emotions and allow yourself to feel them. This aligns with the core principle of mindfulness: observing our pain without judgment rather than pushing it away. When we acknowledge grief rather than avoid it, we open the door to healing and self-compassion.
The Grief Point Exercise for Emotional Release
We carry layers of grief within us, and these layers are often more complex than we realize. Some grief comes from personal losses, such as the death of loved ones, the end of relationships, or unfulfilled dreams. Other layers are intergenerational, passed down through family stories, inherited patterns of pain, or experiences of trauma that affected our parents or grandparents. There is also ancestral grief, a deeper, almost invisible thread that connects us to the suffering and resilience of generations before us. All of these layers can quietly accumulate in our bodies and hearts, creating a heaviness that often goes unnoticed until a triggering moment, such as the holidays, brings it to the surface.
Grief naturally makes the heart ache, and our instinct is usually to avoid it. We may distract ourselves with busyness, social obligations, or other activities, hoping to push the pain away. Yet, avoiding grief only keeps it trapped, sometimes manifesting as tension, fatigue, or emotional numbness.
The Grief Point Exercise is designed to help us approach this grief gently, without forcing or rushing it.
How to practice the Grief Point Exercise:
- Along the sternum over the heart, find one point that is more sensitive than the others.
- Gently touch this point and allow yourself to feel the pain.
- Now move 4 finger widths down from the thymus point (6 finger widths from the collarbone/clavicle soft spot).
- Use your middle finger to find the tender area on the breastbone—this is the grief point.
- Apply gentle pressure, close your eyes, and breathe.
- Allow yourself to feel your losses, without fighting or resisting them.
- Notice any softening or lightening of tension in your heart.
- Stay here for about one minute.
- Release your hand, pause, and slowly open your eyes.
Ways to Deepen the Practice
After finishing the grief point exercise, you may want to reflect and give space to any emotions that arise. Everyone processes grief differently, and there is no single “right” way. Here are some creative options:
- Writing: journaling, poetry, or quick notes.
- Talking: record your reflections or share them with someone you trust.
- Drawing: express what comes up symbolically or abstractly.
- Movement: dance or move to embody what you are feeling.
Why Mindful Grieving Matters During the Holidays
Taking time for practices like the grief point exercise can help reduce stress, improve mood, and even support physical well-being. Mind-body techniques allow us to process emotions that otherwise may stay locked in the body, leading to tension, fatigue, or even illness.
The holidays can be a reminder of community, love, and tradition, but they can also magnify the absence of these very things. Allowing space for grief does not mean giving up on joy—it means making room for authenticity. When we permit ourselves to feel what is real, we create the conditions for deeper healing and resilience.
If the holidays feel heavy for you, know that you are not alone. Honoring your grief and caring for your body can make this season more manageable—and even open up new ways of experiencing connection and meaning. And remember: healing practices don’t have to be complicated. Sometimes, one minute of mindful attention to the heart is all it takes to begin transforming pain into presence.
She served as a Fulbright scholar on traditional medicine, a Clinical Fellow at Harvard Medical School, and a National Institutes of Health-funded research scientist in mind/body medicine.
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